Mini meltdown in progress

I’m struggling. In spectacular fashion.

Harvey is being attentive & communicating. We’re practising restraint in the office before one or both of us get fired. This is good.

Frank is ok, he’s busy at work and with his friends and seems happy. He’s currently using a courtesy car as his own is at the garage with a cracked engine manifold but being sorted under warranty. (How the fuck you crack an engine manifold in a 2 year old car is beyond me, but hey thank god for warranties!). His girlfriend is still a major pain in the arse as she’s a lazy bitch but that’s a whole other different post. But he’s ok and that’s good.

Joy has had her prom and she looked absolutely beautiful even if I say so myself. She was nominated for prom queen which surprised her and although she came second, she was happy with that as she didn’t expect to be nominated. We had a very stressful Friday getting her ready. I say we meaning Joy & myself. Dick was working and was never going to be part of the getting ready process.

We spent the day getting her nails done, she decided to do her own hair and make up and she looked stunning. Hair didn’t go to the plan but we styled it out, literally.

Dick was supposed to finish at lunchtime, come home, get changed and the plan was to take her to her friends at 4.30 so they could all get photos and set off in the fun bus we’d hired for them. Sadly though due to some emergency Dick couldn’t get away from work so my sister took us to Joy’s friends house. I got lots of photos and the photographer there took photos of us all. I have a few nice ones of me & Joy but none of me, Joy and her dad!

Waved her off and balled my eyes out when I got home. Once again I’m doing it all on my own. I know things happen and work is important but I think he could’ve said no. Just put Joy first for a change. He must’ve felt bad because after work he went to the venue where prom was being held to see her and take some photos. One of my friends took a photo of him giving Joy a kiss which is lovely and I know she was happy he went to see her.

Since Friday night I’ve been exhausted and out of sorts. I think I’ve probably overdone it and stressed myself out, and now I don’t have that to focus on, maybe it’s the anti climax of it all.

Last night I took something to help me sleep so hopefully I’ll feel better today.

Harvey is away

Things are ok here. Harvey is away until Tuesday so here’s an account of our comms since his idiotic comment about my size.

Sunday night:

H: How’s you? It’s been as I expected at home but it’s finally calmed down.
I’m just putting my stuff together for Le Mans along with cutting grass washing up etc, might fire up the BBQ if the wind drops.
See you tomorrow xxxx
A: Sounds stressful, hope you’re ok and looking forward to being away next week.
See you tomorrow xx

H: Morning, see you soon xxxxx

He arrived well after lunch. I had kept myself free thinking we’d probably pop out but rookie error I won’t make again!

A: Guess you’ll be picking your lunch up on the way. See you later xx

I went to lunch alone which was ideal given that I wasn’t really in a great place and was more than a little pissed off still.

Got back and cracked on with my work.

H: Afternoon Babe, you are looking hot today xxx
I have had to resist the urge to come and talk as my paranoia chip is full…
I have however booked CR from 15.00 as I have a TC from 16.00, if your work load allows I would love to chat and catch up xxxx
A: Your paranoia chip is defective!
If you need a chat I’ll come through x
H: Long long legs, I like the dress xxxxx
A: You’ve seen this dress loads of times and my legs are an optical illusion which obviously works!

He asked me to join the telecon so I arrived to find one blind down and I lowered the other. He kissed me and we hugged. He stroked my leg but as his hands travelled under my dress I slapped his hand away. I reminded him that we were practicing restraint and he agreed.
I could tell he was disappointed but also knew it was the right thing to do!
Once the telecon finished I hugged him, we kissed and chatted. We co-ordinated diaries as we will barely see each other between now and August due to holidays. We’ve agreed a Friday afternoon hotel appointment in the future so we have something to look forward to.

H: Night babe, thanks for the hug and the kiss xxxxx
A: It’s mutually beneficial xxx

H: Good morning babe I’m on my way *** miles to go xxxxx
A: Safe journey. Enjoy and let your hair down with the boys

He called me for a chat before he picked up his friend on the way. He seemed ok and I told him not to worry about comms. It’ll be what it’ll be, he’s away with his friends and I wasn’t expecting any contact. I told him I’d message his work phone if I needed anything operationally so he knew it would be safe to answer the call.

H: Afternoon, I’m on tunnel train πŸš‚ 299 miles to go xx
A: Glad you made it. Chill now while you can hope your passenger is fun xx
H: Just landed and established base camp ⛺️ looking forward to some sleep 😴 not sure I’ll get much xxxxx hope you manage some xxxx
A: You make it sound like you’re conquering Everest not having the time of your life at Le Mans πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
Thanks for letting me know you’ve arrived safely. Hope you sleep, I hope you’ve taken some ear plugs xxxx
H: Haha, I just hope I haven’t got a works tracker, it turns out the Audi does 140 with a gear left to go at!!
Ear plugs are a definite, just going to bed so night night xxxx
Ps I have authorised (redacted the work stuff) xxx
A: You’re a liability- remember points now carry across eu borders πŸ˜†
Night babe sleep well xxxx
Thanks for the work update. I’ll pretend I don’t know πŸ˜‚

Some point keeping comms separate!!! Aaarrrrrrgggghghhhhhh he infuriates the fuck out of me!


It was such a beautiful day so myself & the girls went out to lunch. Gave Harvey a heads up on the off chance he tried to call.

A: Just sat in the beer garden (girls at the bar ordering food!)
Hope you’re ok and you got some sleep xxxx
H: Enjoy the sun xxxx
A: I did. Hope you’ve applied sun screen!
Back in the office now wishing I was elsewhere!!
H: Yes I did, thankfully god it’s hot!! Now sat in the shade watching free practice xxxx
A: Lucky bastard! Enjoy the break and the time away with your buddies xxx
Not missing you at all. Totally not been sat in CR earlier thinking of better things I could’ve been doing πŸ˜‚ xxxx
Before I went to bed I cleared his inbox

H: Night babe, wish you were here with me I have a queen size air bed all to my self xxxxxx hope this doesn’t wake you and you get some sleep 😴
Thanks for clearing the inbox xxxxx
Speak tomorrow xxxxx
A: Maybe if you were in hotel with a proper bed. Ava is not a happy camper πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
You won’t wake me with email as I only log into this when it’s safe to babe so don’t worry.
What is sleep? πŸ˜’
You’re welcome enjoy today xxxxxx

He called me for a chat with no warning but I was with the girls so called him back when it was safe to do so. He’s having an amazing time and I’m so happy for him. He deserves time out with his friends after the immense pressure he’s under at home all the time. He asked about me and what was happening, he also mentioned that just talking to me had got him hard. He has no control over this thing by the sounds of it πŸ˜‚ – it’s nice to be wanted!

A: Thank you for the catch up. Great to hear your voice and hear you’re having a fab time and actually sleeping too!! Mega jealous but if I were there neither of us would sleep………..!
H: Great to be having a fab time, even greater to speak to you, I wish you could sleep like me, I feel your pain……
A: Thanks babe, I’m sure you’d be able to wear me out sufficiently so I’d sleep.
An hour of Zumba and 45 minutes of circuit hopefully will help tire me out.
Enjoy xxxxxx


H: Soon babe, let’s have a Friday afternoon asap xxxx hope you aren’t not aching too much after Zumba and Cct training.
Enjoy the Bacon Sarnie (or not as the case may be) 😘😘😘
A: Bacon sandwich on board and I’m ready for anything!
Yes Friday afternoon soon is definitely needed. Leaving at 2.30 today to get madams dress altered. Pray for my sanity πŸ˜‚
H: Have a good afternoon, is the prom tonight?xxxx
A: No thank god it’s next Friday πŸ˜‚ we have a weeks grace ha ha!
It’s going to be a glorious weekend of sunshine here I plan to bake my brains out!!
H: I hope they recover because I plan to fuck them out at the next opportunity xxxx hard as I type just thinking about you xxxxx
A: Thank you. Massive smile on my face at that thought xxxx
Bring it on xxxx
H: How the dress alteration going? Is she happy? Xxxx
A: She is happy that it’ll be done by Wednesday thank god!
She looks amazing, not that I’m biased or anything πŸ˜‚
Thanks for asking babe. How’s your evening looking? Xxx
H: It’s looking like vodka and an early bed xxxxx
A: Lightweight πŸ˜‚
Enjoy xxxxxx
H: I wish xxxx
A: Life is short (much like you πŸ˜‚) but lightweight or not I wouldn’t change you xxxx
True story 😘 xxx
H: True story I’m in bed stroking one out thinking of you xxxx

He sounded sad- possibly pissed. I couldn’t send him anything exciting as Dick was on the sofa next to me. I took a photo of my legs full length in front of me with the camera on silent and sent it to him.
A: Best I can do. Imagine these wrapped round your head 😘
H: I did and they were xxx a nice happy ending xxxxx night night babe, light weight is in bed and going to sleep xxx
A: Glad I could help night babe xxxxxx
H: πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ’¦πŸ’¦πŸ’¦
A: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ clown xxxxx


Dick was out doing errands with his brother, Joy slept at her friends after an end of exam party & Frank bought me back a maccies breakfast.

H: Morning xxxxx
A: Morning xxxx
Day to myself so currently eating maccies for breakfast πŸ˜‚
How’s you? Xxx
H: Lol, I’m fully refreshed after 11hrs Kip…just Shiping for today beer then back on it for. 16.00 race start

I sent him a photo of my breasts as I figured he’d have missed those πŸ˜‚

A: Cheeky sneaky pic 😘
H: Smiling xxxxx thanks for that, I love ❀️ playing with your gorgeous breasts and I could suck and tweak those nipples all day xxxxxx mmmmmmmmm
A: You’re welcome!
I could let you to be fair xxxx
Enjoy the race 😘 xx

He’ll be very busy for the next 24 hours!


Weekend was ok, I kept very busy and stayed out of mischief. I met my friend Alice for afternoon tea and a cheeky glass of wine, just a small one though.
I’ve started to reach out to old friends as I’m starting to feel like my old self. My social side is coming back which is about time. I need to fill my time doing things that don’t include moping around at home feeling sorry for myself or brooding about how terribly unhappy I am.
I was part of an online group of ladies that took up a great deal of my time and kept me busy and engaged. These ladies I referred to as #thesisterhood and became like family. I know I’m not an idiot and know that online friendships are not real life. As a collective we shared common interests (nails) and through the power of online chat we discovered that we had a great deal in common. My post thanksgivingΒ hereΒ gives you an insight into how close we all became.
Anyway slowly one of the girls in the chat, the youngest, got a little too big for her boots and decided to throw a grenade in the chat by calling out of the others. A big no no and I jumped in to defend. Long story short it exploded in spectacular fashion and I left the chat. I figured I’m 46 and far too old for all that shit. We now have a new chat with those of us that had formed the strongest friendship and that’s a better fit for me. I was asked to join which makes me feel better about my decision to leave #teamadolescent

I’m not as active in the newΒ group as I was, but I dip my toe in occasionally if I feel I can add value, or need a good laugh, the girls are a good tonic. We’ve all met in real life too which helps I’ve found.

One of the readers of this blog I’ve become quite good friends with is Magenta. What started as a simple contact form from my home page asking a question about setting up her own blog, has developed into a proper friendship. We’re both in similar low sex marriages and seek our fun elsewhere.
Over the course of email we’ve had conversations regarding our relationships, background and even a section on ‘Ask Ava’ where she asks me to elaborate on various sexual practices I’ve enjoyed with Harvey. I’m grateful to have people I can talk to in the real world about issues & topics that affect/motivate/move me personally but I’m even more grateful to have Magenta as a non judgemental sounding board with my exploits with Harvey. Thank you for continuing to be a light in dark times and being a consistent support & true friend. Long may we continue to flourish in our unconventional but very rewarding friendship 😘


Harvey is back in the dog house

So where were we? Yes I’d done the walk of shame back to my room, thankfully bumping into no one as I’m not sure I could adequately explain why I’m wandering the corridors of the hotel wearing my clothes from dinner and carrying a hello kitty wash bag πŸ˜‚
Got back to my room and although I didn’t sleep I was at least comfortable and I could listen to music.
I was irritated and knew I wouldn’t sleep. I’d not packed my medication so thought it was that, but I know I felt frustrated with myself that I’d left. If I’m honest I’m not used to being shown affection and it scares me how easy all this has become. It no longer feels like an affair, it feels like a relationship and it’s not what either of us want or need.
I was getting ready for breakfast when I realised he probably hadn’t set an alarm so I called him and text him but got no response. I called his room and woke him thankfully. He said he didn’t know how I’d left without waking him and thanked me for a great night. Said I’d see him later.
Had breakfast with the girls and packed my room and checked out.
Conference was a bore fest. Got through the day with little or no interaction with Harvey. We had a conversation on the phone while we were at other ends of the hotel. I’m conscious that I was detached from it all, I know I’m struggling to keep my head on straight with the situation. I didn’t see him before I left.
On the way home I deleted his inbox and messaged him to tell him.

A: Deleted your inbox as I know you’ll forget no doubt.
Safe journey home xxx

Got home and collapsed on the sofa exhausted. It takes so much out of my already depleted energy levels going away with work, fun times with Harvey are a great distraction but I pay the price when I finally get home and chill. Dick came home and gave me a massive hug. He’d been away himself since early Monday morning so I hadn’t seen him for 4 days. A rare show of emotion from him. He told me I looked fucked. (If only he knew!!!) Told me to have a bath and chill and that he’d get fish and chips.
Had a quiet night as I had literally no energy.
Had email response from Harvey.

H: Thank you xxxx how’s you? I’m just cooking Fish cakes salad and pasta for me and the kids then I might finish watching Narcos on Netflix followed by some TT at 9.00
A: I’m knackered! After a night of no sleep and the rookie error of not packing any of my medication, I’ve spent a day feeling irritated and not great. Nothing a good night sleep won’t sort I’m sure. Dick fetched fish and chips as apparently I look fucked. The irony πŸ˜‚
Enjoy your tea and catching up with the kids, must be nice to have them both home.
I’m going to have a bath, read for a bit then hopefully have 8 hours sleep!
See you tomorrow xxx
H: My bad sorry for the snoring xxxxx
Kids are arguing so I’m locking myself in the lounge and leaving them to it, hope you catch some zzzz’s see you tomorrow for a bacon πŸ₯“ sandwich xxxxx
A: Babe I fucked off and did the walk of shame at 12.30am it wasn’t your fault πŸ˜‚
Enjoy xxx
H: Oops in my mind we were having good sex till about 2.00am! Hope I wasn’t too selfish xxxxx for the record you are wanted and desired and I enjoyed the kissing nearly as much as the shagging xxxx see you tomorrow, night night xxxx
A: πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
I think you may have been a bit more pissed than I credited you with!
There was an inordinate amount of kissing, along with lots of affection. I think you’re missing your wife far more than you’ll admit.
You made me feel very wanted & desired even if it was mis-directed thank you!
See you later xxxx
H: Honestly and I have the receipts to prove it I had 3 pints (no food) and for the record I’m dreading her coming home! Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Night night xxx
A: It’s all good, no complaints from me babe. I’m glad you felt like you’d experienced a marathon night of epic shagging!
Sorry I misinterpreted your affection, it was very gratefully received. It does upset me though how easy it all is, so you will have to forgive me for pulling away and going back to my own room. I’d have loved nothing more than another session first thing in the morning once you’d recovered!!
Night babe see you soon xxx

Friday 9th June

Had 3 hours sleep so I felt a little brighter but still really irritated. Can only be hormonal at this point.
Got to work and Harvey messaged to ask if any of us wanted bacon sandwich picking up. I met him at the car when he arrived to help transfer the drinks & sandwiches. As I went to get the drinks he stroked my leg. It’s almost like he can’t help himself!!
Busy, busy Ava and he had meetings all morning. We did get a quick trip out at lunch to pick dinner up to bring back to the office. We literally went straight there and came back. I remarked that in his earnest to return we hadn’t even had a hug! He reminded me that he has a meeting room all afternoon and he was sure we’d sort something. We sat in the canteen and he’d bought a salad but couldn’t finish it as he forgot he’d already had a bacon sandwich earlier. He said you’d be amazed how easily a fat stomach fills and I told him not to be so harsh. He then thought it would be funny to reply “I was talking about you not me”. As soon as the words left his mouth he realised what he said. I told him that he never learns and he apologised and tried to take it back. Told him it was too late, I washed up my lunch things and returned to my desk.
He went to his next meetings and I instant messaged him about some work related stuff but didn’t get a reply. When he came out the meeting I went to his desk and we discussed the work things but he didn’t really engage.
20 minutes before I left I messaged him to say I needed to catch up before he goes as he’s on leave next week. I went into the conference room and he told me he’s in on Monday so we can sort it all then. He hugged me, apologised and gave me a chaste kiss. We walked back to the desk through the canteen and it was deserted. I kissed him and told him to have a good weekend. So disappointed that he can’t learn from his mistakes. I emailed him when I got home.

A: Not going to labour the point because it’s done now, but please please learn from this. I know you don’t mean it, and it’s just your humour but I can’t explain to you what those words trigger for me. Shame, hatred & negative feeling about my size- I can’t get away from it, it’s all due to my history and it affects me enormously.
Yes I know I’m beautiful, great figure, sexy as fuck and you’re a really lucky man and all the other bollocks you come out with but it changes nothing.
Have a great weekend, I’m not expecting much in the way of communication as I know wife is home now and you’ve got lots on. No worries at all. See you Monday xxx
H: Just left work, I know sorry doesn’t cut it but SORRRY xxxxxxx
A: Late Friday finish for you.
Thanks for the apology.
See you Monday xxx
H: I’m an idiot and it won’t happen again xxxxx night night xxxx
A: You are an idiot, a very fucking lucky one!!
It’s a good job you’re a good shag πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
😘 xxxxx

As predicted I haven’t heard anything else all weekend. He’ll be in tomorrow for a day before he leaves for the week. I plan to leave him to it. No doubt he’ll pick up where he left off already forgetting what happened Friday. How great it must be to have a selective memory and no conscience!

Wednesday night

Harvey and I had a play date Wednesday night at a hotel for a conference we were at the next day. It was so good to be away and not have to sneak around my home town that’s for damn sure!

Myself and the girls in my team arrived early afternoon and we had such a good laugh. We’d all bought drinks, chocolates, sweets & crisps etc and partied in my room in our comfies. I’d bought spa treats with me so we could chill and have a good pamper. So funny, the girls were laughing and letting their hair down and it was just nice to be relaxed. They got through 2 and a half litres of wine, a bottle of pimms and various soft drinks, those girls can party πŸ˜‚ I’d bought some foot care kits which are basically a sock for each foot filled with intensive moisturiser so we put those on and then we had facial skin masks. We looked fucking hilarious, good job we decided to do it in the room rather than the spa πŸ˜‚

After 2 hours of fun & games they left for their own rooms as we planned to go to dinner then have an early night. 5 mins after Freya left, she messaged to say she was lost so I had to rescue her wearing only my pjs! Shorts with a strappy top wearing no underwear πŸ™ˆ I prayed I didn’t bump into anyone I knew! Luckily I didn’t, but it did mean I got to scope out Harvey’s room and check it wasn’t next door to hers!! My room was next to one of the girls and directly opposite the other, I knew Harvey had a particular suite booked so I messaged him and told him I’d go to him this evening.

We got ready for dinner and had a great evening laughing and generally enjoying ourselves. I’d already laid the plan for my departure as the girls know I can’t drink, and that I need to rest due to my many health conditions so when I said I’d be calling it a night there was no arguments and the girls all decided to leave too.

I’d already seen Harvey in the bar through the window in the restaurant so I logged on to my email.
He said he’d arrived and that he’d left his door open for me by leaving paper in the lock. Talk about careless, anyone pushing the door would get in! I got to my room and packed my underwear, stocking, toiletries etc and my shaving stuff as he planned to shave me.
Got to the suite to find that yes I could get in and the room hadn’t been ransacked!!
Messsged him to tell him I was having a bath and that I’d see him later.
I bathed, washed and dried my hair, brushed my teeth then got into my underwear and shoes. I’d chosen a black lace bustier with attached suspenders, g string and stockings and put my heels back on and waited for him to return. I dimmed the lights, got comfy on the sofa and played Ludovico Einaudi. Totally relaxed I almost fell asleep πŸ˜‚ I sent him a photo of my legs wearing my stockings and heels with the simple heading ‘bored’

He soon arrived after that! He came over to me on the sofa and kissed me and went in the shower. He said he felt very privileged to come in to the sight of me in my underwear waiting for him! He showered and came out wearing shaving cream and realised he’d made the rookie error of not bringing his blade so I gave him mine, he shaved and returned to me wearing a bath robe. He pushed the string away from my slit and very quickly started stroking and playing me with his fingers. He said he wanted to shave me straight away so we got organised and I positioned myself on the bed.
He had told me he had ‘engineered’ a leg spreader so I was a little apprehensive at what he’d come up with. Well it was a work of art, he’d fashioned a 3 piece interlocking bar out of a pair of crutches. At both ends of the bar there was a ring attached. He then removed 2 leg restraints that were thick rope with a carribena attached to clip onto the bar. Genius! Well apart from the fact it was too long at its shortest length as he hadn’t allowed for my very short legs πŸ˜‚ I presumed he’d based it on where my legs come to on him, and he’d not taken into account I always wear heels. (Side note to add that when we went to lunch yesterday I asked him and it turns out there was no such measurement, he’d just winged it!). Problem solved as he removed the tie from his bath robe and tied my ankle with that then attached it to the bar.
He shaved me carefully, it was so intimate though, carefully stroking me with the blade and such a turn on. Once he’d finished he got a hot towel and wiped me down, buried his tongue in there and it got very hot and heavy and I told him to remove my leg restraints. I wrapped my legs round his head and pulled his hair as I came.
Time for a swap he laid on his back as stroked him hard, my g string was still on the bed so I tied it underneath his balls and round his hard cock. It was something we’d discussed in a previous email (I must start blogging these emails again!). With it tied tight I stroked and sucked until he was ready to blow, I squeezed the base to prevent him coming and we kissed and stroked each other, he then stood next to the bed and with me on all fours he fucked me from behind. There was spanking, restraints, biting and all angles covers over the next few hours. I know at one point I’d got the vibe on him with his balls still tied. I’d got the lube and rubbed it onto my fingers. Slowly fingered his arsehole and using the technique of a “come hither” movement my good friend Magenta had eluded to in our email discussion, Harvey seemed to appreciate it! I managed 2 fingers in and he was thoroughly enjoying it but I think struggling not to come he asked me if I could fuck him and do that at the same time. I said I’d try! I’m a fucking idiot as I planned to face him and reach my hand behind me (this was obviously never going to work πŸ˜‚) as I got ready to climb aboard he suggested I may have more success facing the other way! Such a fucking rookie! I’m amazed the laughter fit didn’t kill the mood. Needless to say he got a very happy ending and if the smile on his face was anything to go by, I’d say he loved it!
A good time had by us both. We cleaned up, got washed and laid on the bed just kissing and hugging. It was a great night and I really enjoyed it. It felt so intimate this time but it made me a little uneasy at how easy it all was. Harvey was soon asleep, I cuddled up but couldn’t settle. He snores for Britain which I’ve never noticed before! Not sure if it was because he’d had a drink though. I realised I was unsettled because I hadn’t had my medication before bed as I’d forgot to pack it. I decided to do the walk of shame back to my own room. I had warned him before he fell asleep that I’d probably do that so he shouldn’t be surprised when he woke and I wasn’t there. I got back to my room but didn’t sleep, in hindsight I should’ve stayed where I was, at least I might’ve got round 2 when we woke!


I’ve not been around much as life has plodded on in it’s usual manner. Things are ok. Dick is being reasonable, Frank is ok, he’s working, socialising, going to the gym and is generally happy, Joy has had a break this week but about to carry on with her exams so she’s not stressed but she’s not carefree either. She is ok. Ok pretty much sums up our life right now.
There has been plenty of interaction between myself & Harvey, there’s been resistance but lots of emails and conversation. We’d wound ourselves up to the point of frustration so we needed a plan and one was made.
We have an away day with work this week so we cautiously planned to slip away from our colleagues and bunk together. The anticipation of the upcoming night was making us both crazy but luckily we managed to sneak in a cheeky Friday afternoon hotel visit and it’s safe to say we both throughly enjoyed it!

Harvey’s wife is away with a friend for a little break so he wasn’t missed or being checked on. I told Dick I was at a meeting at this hotel and that it would probably run on until 5.30. Excellent plan. In theory, in practice though not so much. Harvey had booked the hotel only the day before and usually sends me the confirmation, I was literally just leaving work about to get in the taxi as he calls me and tells me he’s booked the wrong hotel! Luckily it’s only 10 minutes away and not the end of the world, but I don’t know who works there, it’s right next door to a chain restaurant that Dicks brother lives near and often goes there on a Friday night for dinner!!
Fuckwit. You had one job Harvey for fucks sake!! He messaged me in the car and told me what room he was in and to go right at reception. 3 people manning reception luckily I didn’t know any of them! I got to the room and Harvey opened the door on the phone to my colleague. (Note to self, must remember to tell him I heard everything and knew who he was talking to so he’s never to answer the phone to me unless he’s alone!)
He continued his conversation as I removed my dress and hung it up. I walked round to him in my underwear and heels and started to unbutton his shirt. He obviously approved as he couldn’t get off the phone quick enough! We kissed and he said he needed to shower as due to the change of hotel he hadn’t had chance. There was a sofa in the room so I sat in my underwear and waited for him to return, it soon got hot and heavy so I played some music to hide the sounds.
He removed my breasts from the cups in my bra and pinched my nipples, sucking them in turn until they were pink and upright, his other hand got busy in my knickers, he pushed them to the side and fingered me through them. I ran my hands through his hair and stroked his back. We kissed and as he stood I sucked his cock while sat on the sofa, soon he dropped to his knees, removed my knickers, put my legs over his shoulders and buried his head between my legs. He is very skilled!! First of many orgasms right there.
At some point my bra & shoes came off and we were on the bed, kissing, stroking, biting, getting spanked (both of us). He asked me to tie him to the bed and fuck him so like the good girl I am, I complied!
Shocked him a little because I’ve been practising my knots so his face was surprised when he realised, in fact I got so good he told me I needed to release the one arm as I was at risk of cutting off his circulation πŸ˜‚ so yes knots are tight, I need to work on being accurate on where to tie!
I blindfolded him, kissed him and made my way down his body. I stepped away from the bed and removed some goodies from the bag of tricks. I smacked him hard on the thigh with my hand and he groaned, left quite the handprint so I stroked it gently, blowing on it to cool the sting and I slapped his other thigh with the leather cuff. I sucked his cock and he begged me to stop as he didn’t want to come. I rode him for a while, bringing him to the edge then got a cock ring out of the bag and put that on him. I removed the blind fold and sat on his face so he could taste me. Blind fold back on I made my way down his body again. I’d put the lube on the bed when I bought the leather cuff out. I applied lube to my finger and gently slid it slowly into his arse, pushing a little further with each stroke. Using my other hand to stroke his cock and suck him, licking the tip as I increased pressure as he groaned and wriggled beneath me. I asked him if he was ok and said yes. I slid in two fingers and applied more lube. At this point I could tell he was loving it, I lubed up the butt plug he’d used on me last time and gently entered it, moving it back & forwards until it was in. I switched on the vibration on the cock ring and stroked his hard cock. He begged me to fuck him so not knowing what the protocol is I removed the butt plug as I didn’t want to kill him. I climbed aboard and fucked him until he came! I can honestly say I’ve never had a reaction like that ever. I removed the blind fold and he had a look of happiness and then when I showed him what I’d used on him it changed to complete astonishment on his face. I cleaned him down and untied him. He held me and said he needed a nap πŸ˜‚
We lay together for a while chatting about how easy this is, there’s no embarrassment or discomfort we just click. His hands started to wander and I was told it was my turn. I laid there stroking him while he got me off a few times with his fingers and just when I thought I couldn’t come again he proved me wrong! A thoroughly enjoyable 2 hours for us both. Once we had washed & got sorted he gave me a lift to the original hotel so I could call Dick and let him know my meeting had finished. I got the bus home as Frank had Dicks car still so my alibi and cover story were in tact. I’m not asked or questioned but I need a reliable back story if I’m ever seen. At the end of the day this is where I live. I run the risk every time I do this so I have to be prepared! I got home, had a takeaway, long soak in the bath and chilled out!
Not long to wait until next time, Wednesday night will soon be here!

Better today thank god!

I think I just needed a snickers.

Sometimes I get out of sorts and don’t understand why until I start to empty my head in here. It all then makes sense once I press send and read it back, I don’t need a therapist I just need to empty my head and eat a snickers.

The world is fucked up, terrorists are creating mayhem and its devastating lives. I sat there for the last four days and was soΒ distressed at it all, the fact that life is short and we should embrace every opportunity and go out and live our lives to the fullest. Which is the best defence to the situation, to not bow to the terrorists and keep calm and carry on.

Great in theory but fucking useless in practice isn’t it? I’m stuck between two men, who I care about enormously despite their lack of thought for me. Yes they both care in their own way, and they bring different things to the table that aren’t mutually exclusive, but I’m pretty disposable for Harvey, and Dick doesn’t even have a clue about what’s going on as he’s so enamoured with his new bike. I’m hurtΒ because I care about both of them far more than they do for me. Which in Dick’s case is unforgivable but in Harvey’s perfectly understandable. I threw major shade at him for his comment of falling for me, I pushed him so far away he’ll never return properly. He arrived back in the U.K. last night and he’s exhausted. He messaged to say he’ll see me Tuesday. That pretty much means I’ll hear nothing from him until then. I hope he gets some rest. I will leave him to it, after all he has a family that will have missed him far more than I have.

Maybe, just a scary, strange idea I should just concentrate on myself. Remind myself that I don’t need either of them, for anything, I can do it all myself.

Liberating this not giving a shit. Long may it continue!



Feeling sorry for myself

I’ve not beenΒ emptying my head because it’s all a little complicated and I’m not sure how I’m feeling.

Dick is completely wrapped up in his bike and the freedom it gives him. He has no time or interest in anything else. I’m a little annoyed, but on the plus side, he’s out of the house and not under my feet being miserable. I feel neglected and that never ends well. It would appear my recent reservations about how long this happy period could last were well founded. He’s not interested in the slightest in Joy or exam schedule. He has asked her how it’s going but other than that he has interest. He’s very busy doing stuff in the garage, to the new bike or generally being on it than he’s not involved in the house or the running of it. Once again that’s left to me and I’m bored shitless of it. In fact I’m currently on strike as I just need to see how long it’ll be before someone steps in or says something.

Harvey is the other side of the world away with work. He’s tired and very busy doing what he’s paid to do. He’sΒ taken his eye offΒ the ball on a few things regarding his team and they have little or no respect for the way he’s handled a few things before his departure and I feel like that’s his main motivation for keeping me on his side, because he knows I’m good at what I do. I’m tired of being his main supporter and mouth piece.Β Yes it has added advantages like all the sex chat and fantasy, but I feel like I’m wasting my time. I get so little back from what I put in that I’m starting to resent it. I miss him and I’ve lost all perspective again so I need to step back.

I think I’ve discovered I’m quite high maintenance and it’s surprised me. I’m not sure what I want if I’m honest. I know relationships can’t be all singing and dancing all the time, but I feel like my life is too sedate. I need a little excitement and neither of these guys are providing enough of that. Yes I’ve had emails, Harvey has even sent me a few interesting photos as I refused to send him anything else as it was too one sided, and the odd conversation but it’s not enough. I think after yesterday I was so very upset with the world and so very tired after a difficult night, that I had no one to off load to. It’s indicative of how little interest Harvey has in my life that he didn’t even ask. Admittedly though he was hammered so I doubt he even remembers talking to me. Once I got home last night I deleted his inbox. I’d sent him some pretty explicit photos and I got such a lukewarm reaction to them it made me wish I hadn’t bothered. They’re gone now so I hope he enjoyed them at the time. I’ll not be sending anymore. Again there was a load of emails he hadn’t read which didn’t help improve my mindset. I think I feel under appreciated and that I have no one to share any of thoughts with and that make me sad.


My heart hurts today

There’s been a terrorist attack at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester. A concert that Joy wanted to attend, but I said no, it’s in the middle of her exams and it would be too much of a distraction. It’s not local so it would be too late for getting home.

So my baby girl is safe in her bed and I’m so relieved but my heart hurts so much. So many of her friends went and I know at least 2 are safe, I’m praying the rest are ok. I have to wake my baby up in 5 minutes and lie to her, tell her everything is ok and she needs to carry on and not let terrorists win. That what they want, chaos and misery. But I can’t tell her how fucking horrible this world is. That you can’t even go out and have fun because it’s not safe.

Bastards. I’m so angry and my heart hurts.

I will wake my baby, give her the worlds biggest hug and tell her I love her. Because some parents/children can’t do that today because of a fucking idiot with no humanity decided that terrorism was a good idea.

I hope the person responsible burns in hell for eternity.

Be safe people and vigilant.

Ava x