I think I just needed a snickers.
Sometimes I get out of sorts and don’t understand why until I start to empty my head in here. It all then makes sense once I press send and read it back, I don’t need a therapist I just need to empty my head and eat a snickers.
The world is fucked up, terrorists are creating mayhem and its devastating lives. I sat there for the last four days and was so distressed at it all, the fact that life is short and we should embrace every opportunity and go out and live our lives to the fullest. Which is the best defence to the situation, to not bow to the terrorists and keep calm and carry on.
Great in theory but fucking useless in practice isn’t it? I’m stuck between two men, who I care about enormously despite their lack of thought for me. Yes they both care in their own way, and they bring different things to the table that aren’t mutually exclusive, but I’m pretty disposable for Harvey, and Dick doesn’t even have a clue about what’s going on as he’s so enamoured with his new bike. I’m hurt because I care about both of them far more than they do for me. Which in Dick’s case is unforgivable but in Harvey’s perfectly understandable. I threw major shade at him for his comment of falling for me, I pushed him so far away he’ll never return properly. He arrived back in the U.K. last night and he’s exhausted. He messaged to say he’ll see me Tuesday. That pretty much means I’ll hear nothing from him until then. I hope he gets some rest. I will leave him to it, after all he has a family that will have missed him far more than I have.
Maybe, just a scary, strange idea I should just concentrate on myself. Remind myself that I don’t need either of them, for anything, I can do it all myself.
Liberating this not giving a shit. Long may it continue!