Still here

Still processing. I’ve written a few drafts focussing on various events from my dark and distant past. In fact, I did a whole timeline of shit storms Dick and I have navigated in our almost 28 years, it read like a really bad sit com. Yes it was tragic but there was lots of humour in there. I realise that’s the real reason we’re still together, he makes me laugh. I’ve never been able to stay mad at him long enough,

I’m not delaying writing up our holiday, it’s been nothing short of amazing. The week leading up to it was filled with conversation, questions and honest back to basic discoveries about ourselves. For the first time in a very long time I’m genuinely happy and things are on track. I think I want to get all our past history written up so I can move on with our lives. I feel that clearing the air, the way we have for the first time, feels like we actually have a chance this time. I can say that I’ve never believed that before. Previously it’s always been wait and see and each time we’ve gone backwards and and it’s all gone to shit again.

It hasn’t stopped the communication with Harvey though. He’s back in the office on Monday and I’ve really missed him, as much as it kills me to admit that. And now I have a massive problem because I can’t justify what I’m doing with him now can I? It’s also changed massively by him telling me he’s fallen for me. I wish I could forget he’d said that but I can’t. I’m not going to worry about that now though. I’m going to stay in my bubble and cross that bridge on Monday!

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