It’s over called it a day, sorry that it had to end this way, no reason to pretend, we knew it had to end some day, this way!
This is the song that sealed my fate yesterday. I played the music will guide me and this is the song that played on smooth fm.
I spoke to Harvey about a work related issue when he arrived, we were with the other managers and when they left we caught up about the weekend. I caught him looking around and considering pulling the blind. I laughed and told him to not even think about it. He said I could read his mind!
I had a stressful morning and was working through lunch when he came and asked me if I needed to pick up any lunch. I went with him in the car and we chatted. I told him that I couldn’t do this anymore and that I needed to look after my mental health. He was gracious and said he wasn’t surprised after the email Friday. He said friends first and that he understood and that he’d follow my lead.
A little later he emailed me.
H: Totally understand where you are coming from, can’t say I’m not upset because I am.
Friendship comes first and I won’t do anything to put that in balance, I’ll follow your lead.
A: Thank you I appreciate that more than you know. Our friendship is very important to me and must come first.
I’m upset too, I certainly didn’t come to this decision lightly, I got far more upset than I needed too about our abortive attempt at our overnight which made me question why I was so upset.
If you’re so inclined you could read my reasoning here:
It explains it better than I can. Know that I care about you very much and that’s part of the problem, if I didn’t this would’ve been far easier.
It’s a lengthy read but you know what I’m like, why use one word when I can ramble complete paragraphs?
H: Afternoon Babe, I’ve just read your blog and it all makes perfect sense, the bit that’s missing is the content of the call on Thursday evening ( he elaborated on what his wife had called him for – I’ve deleted it as it’s not my business) she’s mad on a whole new level, and yes she did call me in my room several times.
All that been said leaving you alone was very hard and I certainly didn’t want to, I’ve been thinking about you all weekend and was torn between emailing you and giving you space (based on Fridays email), I chose the wrong decision I want to hug and hold you at every opportunity.
I need your Friendship and will do anything to keep that.
A: Thank you I appreciate you thinking of me.
It must be hard to live your life like that, I’m so sorry things are so hard for you. She must be so very desperately unhappy to think that way. She’s lucky to have you.
I hope now you’ve read the inner workings of my mind you have a better understanding of why I’ve made this decision. Thank you for being a great friend through all this, I need your friendship too, it’s very important to me.
Hugs and being held are useful for both of us.
Never say never xxxxxxx
I went to the gym and did 90 minutes of exercise. Came home, tidied up and ran the bath. Harvey had replied while I was in the gym.
H: Sending you a virtual hug xxxxxx
Catch you tomorrow babe,
A: Thank you, I’ll take a virtual hug, beats no hug at all!
See you tomorrow hope you have a good night xxx
I think we’ll be ok, he seems to genuinely care about me and our friendship. I’m grateful he wants to stay friends. I’m sad that it’s over and I’m worried that he has no outlet now I’m no longer his distraction, I hope he gets the opportunity to have that with someone else, he deserves that. He’s an amazing man, great shag and very generous with his attention. Shame his wife is bat shit crazy and will probably stress him into an early grave.
I’m hopeful that now I have exhausted myself at the gym, and I’ve let Harvey down gently, I can sleep better.
One day at a time!