I couldn’t be any less interested if I’m honest. I’ve been married forever, and if you’ve been an avid reader of my journal, you’ll know romance has long since left the building. He’s not the most demonstrative man (understatement of the fucking year award right there) and he doesn’t see the point at all, which is fine because my expectations have already been set for nearly 3 decades.
Why am I so pissed off about it tonight after all this time you might ask, well I’ll tell you dear reader. I think it started this morning. I woke Dick as he’s still on early shift but stayed in bed, after all he’s a grown man and I don’t wait on him hand and foot. He got up, washed, dressed etc and then came back into the bedroom ranting about being cold and how “the fucking heating hasn’t come on” and “did I know why I’d paired his blue & red socks up wrongly?”
“No Dick, I have no fucking idea why either instances have occurred today. If I had to hazard a guess I’d go with someone has knocked the thermostat accidentally in the hall way or the boiler is broke. Have you checked, or did you immediately come up here for me to sort it? I’m not sure if you’re aware but I’m not gas safe trained for fucks sake, the answer to your second query I’m going to go with maybe I made a mistake. It’s not life ending but I’ll throw myself on a sword if me mixing up two black socks with the wrong colour logo on is a reason to commit hari kari!”
I then came downstairs to discover that yes my first response was the right one and the thermostat was indeed on the frost setting. A quick turn of the dial and the boiler burst into life as if by magic! He then had the audacity to tell me that I’m mental. I’m mental! I’m not the one bouncing round the house like a fucking lunatic ranting and making enough noise to wake the dead. He found another pair of socks and he fucked off to work and the balance of the world was restored! Until I came out of the shower and came downstairs to find two dozen beautiful roses left in the kitchen and I was stunned. Like jaw dropping shock. Which lasted about 0.05 seconds until Frank’s girlfriend asked me if she could use a vase. She then unceremoniously dumped them in a vase of water, still wrapped, still with the rose food sellotaped to the fucking stems. I shit you not. She couldn’t have been less excited. I’m glad my son bought them though because it means he’s his own man and hasn’t followed his dads lead in this department. I’m proud of him!
I then went to work. I did hear from Harvey courtesy of an email containing 12 red rose emojis (cute) but because I’m a cold hearted bitch I reminded him it was his wedding anniversary and I hoped he’d remembered to buy a card. I think I also added a PS of keeping it real! Cold.
Work sucked for many reasons which I won’t go into but one of the bosses bought in some choc chip shortcake for me and the girls, and although I don’t really like him as he’s a bit a twat, he at least wished us a happy Valentine’s Day!
I then got an instant message from (I’ve forgot what bogus name I gave him so I’m going to call him Tom) Tom. He was the guy from 6 years ago when my marriage broke down and we had a fling. (You’ll have to go way back in the blog for that story, if I can find it I’ll link it here!) We’re now in a better place with our friendship thankfully and though I’ll never go down that dark path again, I’m glad we’re now at a point we can be friends. Anyway the message was asking if I could see if he’d left something under his desk, so I went to look and found what he’d left. He told me it was a spiky blue ball (he has ADHD and must use it to keep himself amused I reckon!) and sure enough it was there. I replied to say I’d found it and put it on his desk. He then thanked me and said I was an angel. I then joked that I had black wings and he replied that it had been a while since I’d been on all fours for him! Cheeky fucker, fancy putting that on a work communication system! I resisted the urge to reply. For two reasons, one being that I didn’t want to encourage him and the second there was no reply worthy really, I certainly wouldn’t risk it!
My day didn’t improve and I felt out of sorts, so I turned to the only thing that makes me feel good. Food, it’s my true love and it’s Valentine’s Day after all. I went to KFC on my own like a sad cow. I had my music on my earphones and browsed the internet in peace with no judgement and it was fucking amazing.
I went back to work and cracked on, there were a few emails from Harvey, but nothing of note. I’m sure his mind is busy with work and his evening plans for his anniversary. He sent out an updated calendar appointment for Thursday but I’ve declined. Golfing with boys is not my idea of fun and if I’m completely honest it’s too soon. It’s been a week, neither of us has had chance to miss the other and I wasn’t sure I’d be great company given the mood I’m in.
Came home and cracked on with a few chores before Zumba with Joy. Saw Dick briefly before we left, I put his dinner in the oven and told him to take it out after 10 minutes. Went to the gym but I think I definitely overdid it. I need to remember that I’m not fully fit and I got a massive warning from the GP this weekend. A blood transfusion isn’t something to take lightly. Got home and had a bath but went light headed and Dick had to help me out the bath. It’s embarrassing for fucks sake, it’s so out of control. I came downstairs and he went to bed and left me to it. How kind of him, no concern, no worries about leaving me alone down here. I’m upset I think because at least if the situation was reversed I’d make sure he was ok, I care enough to do that.
Frank came to see me before he left for the gym. I’m paranoid I’ve scared my kids. As soon as madam skipped off to bed Frank came down to talk to me. He’s gone to the gym now but he said he’s worried about me, bless him. I’ve told him I’m fine I’m just having to be careful and he said he will help me and do whatever needs doing. He’s a tough kid but I can tell he’s upset, I’ve promised him I’m not lying to him I honestly think they think I’m seriously ill. Dick’s asleep so I can’t find out what’s been said. I told him I’ll be honest with him. I’ve broke my heart now he’s gone.
I’m too upset to see clearly right now. I know I need to take it easy, probably need to unplug my head for a bit, I have tried since last Friday but with little success. Going away Thursday is not a good idea, if I’m light headed or not 100% I’d be stupid to risk it so I definitely made the right decision there. I hope Harvey understands, I’ll speak to him tomorrow if he’s in. We need a conversation face to face. Mind you, I’ve no doubt fate will conspire against us and we’ll have little chance to chat!
I’m going to take something to help me sleep as I feel I won’t sleep tonight given how I feel.