New attitude needed!

I spoke to Harvey Tuesday, he rang me out of the blue. We chatted and caught up with things. He seemed ok but very bogged down with lots going on at home with a few dramas he’s having to manage/deal with. He asked about me and I wasn’t going to say anything but I think he could tell I wasn’t myself so told him about the recording of my song with my mom. He was sympathetic and listened to me. He’s a good friend.

I emailed him later.

A: Thanks for the chat, glad you’re ok albeit up to your ears sorting everyone’s shit.
I too live that dream and its not great is it? Sorry for being a Debbie downer but have loads going on and it’s quite wearing. Hope you get to go to the gym and get some down time from it all.
Take care xxxxxx

H: Evening, never made it to the gym, just thought I’d say night night before I hit the sack xxxxx
Hope your ok I sensed the downer and apologies for unloading my issues, I’m happy to listen to yours if you want to chat xxxxxx
See you next week xxxxxxx

A: Thanks babe you’ve enough of your own shit going on without mine. Always happy to listen to you babe don’t apologise, you’ve had a hell of a few months compared to mine.
Sleep well, I’m looking forward to seeing you soon xxxxxx

I had a pleasant night catching up with my brother once I’d been shopping and done all my chores.

Had an early night but didn’t really sleep.

Decided I’ve had enough of being miserable & moaning. So I came back into the office Wednesday with a renewed sense of motivation. Was surprised to receive an email from Harvey.

H: Morning Hun,
I’ll be in the office on Thursday afternoon, looking forward to seeing you for a face to face xxxxx

A: Ok babe look forward to it. Have a good day

Went to my meeting and was utterly bored so my thoughts turned to Harvey and better things I could be doing so I dropped him a cheeky email. I’d hoped it made him smile when he saw it.

A: Meeting is a bore-fest.
I’d much rather be in CR with my knickers in my bag, skirt round my waist, your hand caressing my stocking tops as you thrust your cock into me from behind………!
Very happy memories right there xxxxxxx

Didn’t hear anymore from him. At all. Until he rocked into the office this afternoon. I got an hello as he passed. He went into his various meetings. I took a phone call from Joy so I walked into the breakout area to take it. He came to use the machine nearby and when my call finished we had a 3 minute at most conversation about work stuff and where he could park tonight at the meal he’s attending. He then left, no goodbye, no quick kiss or hug in CR NOTHING! It pissed me off if I’m honest. I was about to send him an email when I realised how utterly fucking ridiculous the whole situation is. As I closed my phone he called me, he apologised for not having chance to chat properly and that he had to resist the temptation to touch me. I told him it was probably for the best. He asked me if I was still on a downer and I said yes, I’d snap out of it at some point. I almost told him how annoyed I was with him, that we could’ve done something today, either before or after work. He could’ve called me into a CR for a hug, anything, but he didn’t. Luckily I said nothing because I’d have sounded like a mistress begging for scraps of attention and that’s not me at all. I haven’t seen him for 7 weeks and I’m disappointed that he hasn’t missed me. He’s not replied to my emails and then I realised he’s not read them. Tonight I went in and deleted them all. He at least deletes his sent items. I emailed him to tell him I’d cleared his emailed. I didn’t tell him I’d deleted the ones I sent he hadn’t read. What the eyes don’t see the heart can’t grieve about.

A: Deleted all your inbox. At least you remember to delete your sent items 🙈
Hope you’ve had a good night xxxx

I think I’m done. I think I deserve better than a 2 minute conversation and ignored emails, I could understand it if he was at home but he’s not, he’s had lots of opportunities today to email. He just doesn’t think to. I don’t cross his mind and after everything we’ve done I’ll admit that hurts.

I need a holiday.



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