I’ve finished work for the year now. I’ve bought last minute gifts and finally tracked down limes that I’ve struggled to get locally. I’ve still to clean the house and wrap some gifts but I just can’t get motivated. I’m not sure what’s up with me either. I know I always struggle this time of year but I don’t remember ever feeling this bad. I know I’m very lucky, I have a family that love and care for me, 2 beautiful children that are my whole world and a husband that loves me but would rather die than show it. I had an amazing few hours with Harvey getting my rocks off so it’s not a sexual thing either. I wonder if it’s because I know I’m going to go stir crazy cooped up in the house in close proximity to Dick with little or no outlet?? I know finding a present I bought for my mom mothers day didn’t help. I kept it back as I bought lots of things and thought I’ll put that away for Christmas. It’s a make up bag that says Mum you are beautiful. I planned to fill it with her favourite Estée Lauder mascara & lip gloss. I guess I’ll keep it myself as it’s no use to anyone else, Dicks mum doesn’t wear make up sadly.
I still can’t believe she’s gone and I won’t see her again, and although we weren’t close, we were ok. We’d got through some pretty difficult discussions and were making progress before she passed away. I guess I’m just sad. I need to give myself a kick up the arse and get on with it. Sitting here moping helps no one, especially me!