30th November

I slept a little better after dosing myself with pain killers before bed, I think as I had had such an early start the day before it all caught up with me.

I have 10 whole days to catch up on but I just can’t be arsed, plus I deleted all the emails so I can’t even do a chronological catch up.

Dick has been, and is still, in a very shitty mood. I’ve lost the ability to be civil, he’s a rude, dismissive, arrogant arsehole and I’m sick of him going on about how fucking shit his life is. He doesn’t know he’s born, he can’t see how lucky he is and he’s fucked me right off. He has two beautiful, intelligent kids, a nice home (which he does fuck all by the way, it’s all done for him!!) and a wife that although maybe slightly losing her fucking mind, is a great shag, cook, cleaner,  domestic goddess who does the lot. The man is a complete dickhead. He’s going to lose it all if he’s not careful.

Harvey pissed me off via email after some very hot & heavy sexting. Short version is while I was away with work I sent him a nude of me lying on the bed and said “whats left of my white bits”. I didn’t get a reply until 30 hours later saying something along the lines of “it still made me hard”.

His response pissed me off for 2 reasons 1. The amount of time it took to respond & 2. STILL made him hard? Despite what exactly? I picked up an undertone of “it’s ok but it’s not quite right” so I replied to say thanks for that response but what was wrong with it? I then heard nothing back. The longer it took to respond the angrier I got, god knows why in hindsight, I mean this is supposed to be fun and a distraction but it really upset me. I think I realised we’ve run out out of steam/interest/motivation. I think the main reason I reacted the way I did is because I don’t have a great opinion of myself so I took his comment too literally. It was the kick up the arse I needed though as we needed to press pause. How ironic though after doing that I then had more communication than I’ve had in weeks! He called me today, completely out of the blue with no warning on my personal mobile. I was at my desk so I walked away and we had a catch up, he told me about what was going on and then asked about me, I can tell he cares, he’s a great friend. We got on to the subject of email and I told him about his comment pissing me off. I was honest and told him how upset I was and that the fact he didn’t respond made it worse. He explained that he certainly didn’t mean to make it sound like that, he instantly got a rush of blood and loved what he saw. As suspected I’d taken him too literally, I feel a bit of a tit now though. He said comms are difficult and completely understands why I’ve pressed pause. I’ve told him it’s definitely paused, not stopped and he said 2017 will be better, we will see!

So a brief recap is that since my moms memorial I’ve been out of sorts and the two men in my life have pissed me off massively. Moral of this story is two men is not the answer. I can’t keep myself happy what chance has anyone else got? At least things are back on an even keel with Harvey now. Dick is in the dog house and he’ll stay there until he apologises for his shitty behaviour, that is never going to happen but I’m on day 3 of the silent treatment and right now I don’t care if ever speak to him again. He can kiss my arse! Sadly though, no one will be doing that.

Anyway I’m off to bed!



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