11th November

Stayed up until just before 1am and everyone was fast asleep so I went round switching off lights, tv’s and the other plethora of electronic gizmos that my house seems to be full of.

I slept much better than I expected to, dead to the world until around 5.30am when I needed to pee. (It’s my age I’m sure!) Dick woke as I got back into bed, I must have disturbed him. He asked me if I was ok and if I’d been up for painkillers and I said no, although my heads banging I’m trying not to take them unless I absolutely need to. He cuddled up and I was surprised to discover his hands making their way under the covers and heading south!

It took me a while to get in the mood but I got there, not sure why because normally a few strokes in and I’m dripping, but today took longer but it didn’t stop him, he persevered!! He was already hard so at least I knew it was because he wanted it, not because he felt he had to. Soon we were in the familiar rhythm and moves and a happy ending was ensured for both. At one point I did think about maybe encouraging him to venture further round with his fingers to my arse but then felt weird about it so stayed quiet.

We cuddled in bed for a while just chatting. The last week has been very drama free I’m happy to report, the kids have co-operated and although my house looks like a proverbial bomb has hit it I’ve tried not to clean up after them all. He commented that I still look very tired and that I’ve been very quiet and thoughtful this week. Told him that I’m still struggling and that usually I would’ve snapped out of it by now. We said we’d crack on with Joy’s bedroom this weekend and then have a massive clean of the house and then start on Christmas plans once we’ve been away next weekend. We got up and got ready for work, woke the kids and left the house.

H: Morning Babe, on my way to the H, Coms will be a bit slower for a while, have a good day and I’ll catch you after the weekend xxxx

A: It’ll be what it’ll be.
Hope it all goes well and it’s not too stressful.

Got to work and logged onto Harvey’s emails and deleted them all. Photos, messages, trash all removed. I emailed him to tell him.

A: All emails deleted from trash.
Take care xxxx

I know I won’t hear from him until Monday, and even then I ‘ll be surprised if I do. I don’t think he has any comprehension of just how hard it’s going to be looking after his wife and the house. He’ll be exhausted and if he’s any sense at all, any spare time he gets he needs to spend resting.

Got through until lunchtime then the hormone fairy arrived and my period arrived for fucks sake. Oh joy, I have so much to do this weekend but as the last few have been horrendous I’m hoping this one is better. One of my female ex colleagues has rejoined us after a 5 year sojourn to Dubai with her husband. He was offered a great job so she went over their but her marriage is over so she’s come home. It was wonderful to see her and catch up. She looks amazing and is thriving being back in the U.K. I’m so happy to have her back and know she’s happier. We’ve made plans for her next trip to the office to go out and catch up properly. I was delighted when 4 o’clock arrived and I could home and get comfortable.

Usual Friday check up at the doctors went well so I headed home and sorted out the evening meal. Dick came home and we went food shopping with the kids for the bits we needed to accompany tonight’s meal and the weekend. Food cooked & eaten, we chilled and caught up with each other. It’s been a good week, everyone has pulled their weight far more than normal. Joy commented that I still look tired so maybe I need to chill tomorrow why her & Dad do the bedroom. I said that’s fab but how will the washing & cleaning get done? She said leave it, one day won’t hurt plus they’ll only make a mess anyway 😂

Tonight anyone looking in from outside would struggle to see there was anything wrong. We’re a nice normal family, but if that’s the case why do I want to go to bed, pull the covers over me and stay there? I am grateful, I know I’m really very fortunate. I have a nice home, a husband that loves me and two beautiful children but still I’m unhappy and miserable. Christ I’ve even been fucked today, quite well too, and still I can’t shake off my sadness. I think I need a break from myself!

Listening to Joy practise for her upcoming music exam made me cry. She’s doing a very gentle heart wrenching version of jealous by labyrinth You tube clip here of the original. I wish I could post her on here but then my identity is at risk, as would be hers.

I caught up with my friends and distracted myself until 9.30pm then had a very early night as I was exhausted!


2 thoughts on “11th November

  1. I am so happy that this was a good week for you Ava! I hope the next one and all the ones to come are the same. It takes time to even out after several troughs…but here’s wishing you the best! A warm hug from an electronic stranger to hopefully round off the week on a happy note… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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