30th October

Posted the blog and received a few emails before bed.

H: Spoiler alert don’t read the last message if you don’t know the f1

A: You’ve not sent another message & I followed it live xx

H: Slightly, I bottle of wine just watching Qualifying although I know LH is on pole. Bed in 12 mins xxx

A: I’ve just got it now. Sleep well xxx

I think he was ok. I am starting to think though he’s got a drinking problem, a bottle of wine before bed should help him sleep though. He has a lot on, maybe he should write a blog and empty his head!

Frank & Jayne came back around 1am so not too bad. I pretty much went straight to sleep. I woke at 7am according to my phone but as the clocks went back in the uk I wasn’t sure if that was the time or not! I realised Dick was already up so I went downstairs to check the time. He was sat in the lounge making up fishing rigs, he said he’d woke at 6 and got up as he didn’t want to disturb me. He said I’d been crying in my sleep so he held me until I stopped and went back off to sleep. I don’t remember a damn thing about it but I know I was dead to the world. I got a glass of water and took some painkillers and went back to bed to read. Phone still keeps crashing and hasn’t kept my photos from last night so I think at some point I’m going to have to look at getting a new phone. Dick made breakfast for himself so it’s going to be that kind of day! Usually he’d at least offer or make me a sandwich but not today. I’m cooking a roast dinner later, think I might just plate everyone’s up and not give him any #cunt

He’s put 2 stone back on which is why he’s pissed off. I’m dreading getting weighed tomorrow. Got up, got washed & dressed and had a day to myself as I was cooped up all day yesterday waiting for the case that never showed.

Made myself some toast, took 2 painkillers and left the house without a word to anyone. Joy went out with some of her friends and she’s the only one that would notice. I left him making his rigs and watching his Star Wars marathon. Headphones on and caught a bus into town to wander around the shops, I browsed new phones and Christmas gift ideas. I did think about emailing Harvey to say I could talk if he was free but decided against it for 2 reasons, 1 – I was so pissed off I would only be grumpy and not really good at hiding it so there would be no point and 2 – We spoke yesterday so I’m fully up to speed on what’s happening in his life. I stopped for a coffee and more painkillers. My back is really plaguing me along with my head.

Came home and Dick asked where I’d been, he didn’t even realise how long I was gone apparently he thought I’d gone over the road. I’d been gone 3 and a half hours. I busied myself cooking tea. Had a mammoth catch up with my best friend as I prepared the food. I had my headphones on so multi tasking away as Dick came in as he thought I was talking to him. I’m amazed he even heard me, the tv was on so loud you could hear it in France! My brother sent me a photo of moms grave with no warning again. It’s completely covered in flowers which is ironic given that she hated them and rarely had them in the house. They always reminded her of when her mum died when she was little. The only flowers she accepted happily were the ones my Dad used to send her on my birthday. Romantic fool, even after they divorced he still sent her flowers as a thank you for having me. I have all kinds of mixed feelings about that though that I’m in no mood for contemplating today. A conversation for some other time I feel. Still feeling out of sorts and sorry for myself I ate my own body weight in chocolate and drank a litre and half of full fat coke for fucks sake.

Definitely last day of eating crap. Made a lovely trifle for after our roast dinner. Fucking hell just typing that sentence aged me. I don’t plan to eat any of it though, decided I need to take better care of myself and tomorrow’s weigh in will be bad enough.

Decided to ring my brother for a catch up, I did wonder if the photograph was a prompt for me to ring him. We were never really close growing up, he had a much different relationship with our mother than I did. But today is not the day for that either. It was good to catch up about our holidays & the kids etc. I’m seeing him in 3 weeks it’ll be here soon enough.

If I wasn’t already out of sorts,  I then got a group message on fb that would’ve set it off anyway. My niece has decided to crash our trip on 10/11/12th December when I get my tattoo. Not would you mind if I came, or is it ok? No she’s booked herself along and told us as an afterthought. So much for a peaceful trip away just us, it’s always the same. I didn’t want people knowing about my tattoo until it had healed but now it’ll be a discussion piece for everyone.

Had a quiet evening watched the F1 and had a bath and decided I needed to chill. Back to work tomorrow and not looking forward to it at all. Dick is on early so he went to bed at 9.30 as I got out the bath.

Received an email from Harvey.

H: Evening Babe, do you know you referenced ***** (my sons actual name) by name in that one!
I’m just home after a long shit day at the H, physically she is good but she has just wanted to fight all day, I know why but it’s not fun.
How’s you?
Ps I’m just watching Mexico on record so no spoilers please xxxxx

A: Well spotted thanks babe now corrected!
It’s a good race with plenty of drama, enjoy!
Sorry today has been a hard one, it must be frustrating on both sides xxxx

I thought I’d take a cheeky photo of my boobs so he could see my white bits. Sent the photo with the caption white enough?

H: Impressive as ever xxxx made me hard straight away xxxx

A: Not the best angle but you’ll get what you get lol!
Glad I still have an effect! At least when I put weight on it goes to the boobs first 😂
Enjoy xxxx

I seem to have done nothing but rant today but now I’m alone typing this I’m much calmer. My life is a constant merry go round of drama, misery and random humour. On that sad note I’m off to bed!

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