17th October

So I went to bed but didn’t have as good a night as the one before.

Got Dick up for work and he was getting ready reminded him that he was taking me to the dentist at 9.30 and I’d meet him there. He told me he’d completely forgotten and he couldn’t change his plans now and I’d have to go on my own. I have a completely irrational fear of dentists due to a horrific experience a few years ago whereby he thought he’d broke my jaw taking out a tooth only to discover he’d taken the wrong one out! If you’ve seen Heath Ledger as the joker in the dark knight then that’s what I looked like when I returned home. Why so serious indeed!! Fuming doesn’t exactly cover the emotion I expressed when we had this conversation. I rarely lose my temper with him, I usually just think fuck it, I’ll get on with it but not today. Today I lost my shit in spectacular fashion. He promised me he’d come with me to get me through it. He knows how traumatic it is for me having people in my face. I told him I was upset and that I felt he’d let me down. Next thing he did was take off his wedding ring and tell me he wasn’t putting it back on, it irritated him. I replied much like he did me for the last 25 fucking years! He went to work and his ring was left on the side table. Fantastic start to my Monday, so as I don’t drive it was public transport for me which was going to add time to my journey and delay my expected time of arrival at work. Everyone left for work and I got the bus into town. Got to the dentist to find out they builders in banging & drilling, not the calm experience I was hoping for at all. However I was a brave soldier and got on with it. To be fair they’re all really nice and I’ve not felt a thing, you really do get what you pay for!! Left there and journeyed onto work.

I got a call from Nigel my colleague to say he’d had an update from Harvey and told me what I already knew from speaking to him directly but of course I pretended it was a surprise and said the right things.

Slightly later to work than planned I got on with my work, I broke up today for my holiday so trying to cram in 2 weeks work in half a day was entertaining to say the least!!

Harvey called me for a chat and he asked me about tomorrow. He sounds shattered, I told him I was still free if he was so we agreed to go for coffee, we will have 2 hours approximately but depends what happens his end. I have to be back to see my GP for my fit to fly certificate and finish my packing. I plan to go to town to pick up last minute bits then meet him afterwards. I’m looking forward to it enormously. I emailed him.

A: You sound absolutely knackered babe. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, enormously, but if you can’t make it for any reason that’s completely fine too I understand.

H: Can’t wait xxxx

A: Me too xxxxx

He rang my colleague Freya but she was away from her desk so I took the call. He called to say he’s coming to the away day and needs to contact our mobile provider to activate something on his phone. So weird to speak to him like I hadn’t had a conversation with him 20 minutes previously! All part of the cover though!

Came home and got straight on with cooking tea as I had a lot to do tonight. Not that I achieved anything I planned too. Dick came home and walked in like we hadn’t tore a strip off each other this morning. I didn’t even speak to him to be fair I was unloading the dishwasher so eye contact was avoided. I dished up dinner and cracked on upstairs. He came up and apologised for not taking me to the dentist and his attitude this morning, told him not to worry, he’d done me a favour as I’ve realised I can do it alone much like everything else. He asked about his wedding ring and I said it was where he left it but again I care not. Wear it, don’t wear it it’s up to him at the end of the day. It’s what it represents and if him not wearing it tells the world he’s not married then that’s fine, remember it works both ways!! If he’s not married to me, then I’m not married to him and will do as I damn well please! He said he was sorry and said he was an idiot. Asked me what I planned to do about the holiday as I’ve still not packed? I told him I’d pack tomorrow and that I’m going, I need this holiday just as much as he does and it’ll be easy or hard it depends on him. I can put on an oscar worthy performance – frankly I have done for years!!

I then got a message from a group of girls on Instagram regarding a collaboration they’re doing for one of the girls birthdays and would like me to join in. Really flattered to be asked but I’m a total rookie!! I spent an hour doing my nails instead of packing but fuck it – sometimes you got to have a break. With going away I wouldn’t have another chance to do them.

Dick went to bed, I chatted to Harvey on email and I’ll be climbing in myself once I’ve typed this!

Night all!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s