9th October

Woke up after a good 7 hour sleep! Still knackered, still got a headache so I need to make sure I drink loads of water today! Stayed in bed chilling and chatting online with the girls. Checked my emails and Harvey had replied last night but I’d obviously fallen asleep super quick.

H: Lol! No I can’t iron xxxxx or suck !!!!

A: In the short time it took you to reply I’d fallen asleep! Didn’t wake up until 7.30 so had a decent 7 hours. Feel like a zombie now though!
Have a good day xxxxxxx

I typed up yesterday’s blog and sent him the link once I posted it. Got up, showered & dressed. Had some breakfast & painkillers as first job of the day was to go book a holiday. We went to sort it as planned and managed to find one that ticked all the boxes. So now we’re all booked up & ready to go, looking forward to being away but as we’re off to the Balearics rather than the canaries I’m really hoping it’s going to be warm enough.

Went home to chill before I had to get ready to meet the family for a meal out. Really was not in the mood if I’m honest so I planned to just sit in the corner and bite my tongue (which isn’t my usual tact!) as I really can’t be arsed! Soon though, conversation turned to our family holiday next Christmas to Disney world and I lost the will to live. Especially as I found out today that Thomsons aren’t doing Christmas in Florida. Their flights stop in November! Was hoping we could book ours separately from everyone else. My sister in law has got a price for us all at £900 per person which is a bargain but that means 6 couples & 2 kids sharing one villa going on her dates which are restricted as she works in school. Not fucking likely sunshine. I need our own villa, I’m happy to share with mum & dad (as we’re paying for them anyway) but that’s it. I want to go for as long as possible and there’s no way I’m subsiding their holiday by cramming us all in one villa and being restricted to her dates! I was polite and calm about it, one of our aunts was there and asked why we couldn’t share and I said it was me. I need my own space and I’ll lose my mind if I have to share with everyone. Which is true but the real truth is it would destroy the family as we all annoy each other and my SIL is one of those that’s it’s either way or none at all and that’s not going to happen!!

I feel really out of sorts today. I had a fallout with my friend Freya earlier today too. She’s so lovely and has lots going on in her own life, I’d like to think that I’m really supportive and there for her, but she messaged me this morning and pissed me off so I bit back instead of letting her vent. I’m just really tired and a bit emotional with everything going on and I let it get to me. I’ve apologised but I think it’s pretty unrecoverable as she’s as stubborn as me and we were both to blame. We will see tomorrow when we go to work but I suspect she’ll be quiet tomorrow. I can’t worry about that now though or I’ll never sleep!

Got back from the meal and had a bath & pamper session. Decided to apply a face pack and foot & hand gloves. Dick pissed himself laughing at me and asked me why I bothered. I told him looking after myself was something I do for me, he should be grateful I at least want to delay the aging process, he told me I was wasting my time as the damage is done already. Thanks. It’s so nice to be wanted & loved! I’m not vain or superficial, my mom taught me that looking after your skin was essential especially now I’m getting older. I enjoy looking after myself, good job really as no one else will! Feel pretty shit and sorry for myself tonight, maybe another good nights sleep will help balance my mood. Just before I went to bed I saw an email from Harvey.

H: Evening Babe,
Just home from a long day at the H glass of wine then bed xxxx

A: Night babe xxxx

Thats about all I could be arsed replying to be honest. I’m fairly sure it’ll die a slow death now, there’s not going to be any opportunities to meet up and I’ve served my purpose. I find it amusing that now he’s had his entertainment its bare minimum contact. And that’s fine and only to be expected, after all he’s very busy and got his hands pretty much full with his wife. It does piss me off though I’m not going to lie. Friends with benefits as long as the benefits are available. Realised I’m always there for everyone and it’s rarely reciprocated. I think I need to make myself less available to everyone and their problems for a while. I need a break, mainly from myself. I think maybe my medication has stopped working, I’ll mention it tomorrow when I go for my check up. It could just be my hormones to be fair, they’re all over the place as coming on my period again proved on Friday. Feel tearful & very down today. I’m so distracted in fact until I got that email from Harvey I hadn’t even realised I’d not heard from him today! I hope he’s ok, and I hope his wife is improving, I don’t know how she’s doing, if she’s still on a ventilator or anything. I appreciate he’s busy but it wouldn’t kill him to give me an update on how things are going. I really shouldn’t care either way I guess. Close myself off is the way forward I think.

img_6174Tomorrow is another day!

Ava out!

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