26th September

Insomnia really has taken hold again. It must be related to my overthinking brain & general unhappiness. Dick in his infinite wisdom decided to tell me as I got into bed that we would pay for his mum & dad to join us on the Christmas holiday next year. It’s typical of him to make grand gestures like that without thinking of the consequences! The fact they’re old, not in the best of health and probably not up to such a big holiday didn’t even cross his mind, not to mention it’s another £3K for us to find!! So mad. It’s not like I don’t have enough to think about right now.

I logged on in the early hours and there was a reply from Harvey.

H: No problem, we are always on the same page. Please do not worry about me, if I need to reach out I will. It’s going to be a bumpy ride at this end and I sense a similar time ahead at your end, don’t do anything rash… I value our friendship and hopefully it will see us both through to the other side, don’t forget I’m here for you to lean on as well it can’t be all one way traffic I can be a good listener xxxxxx

Night babe I’ll call tomorrow to chat xxxxx

A: Thank you xxxxxxx

I couldn’t go back to sleep so spent a very restless night thinking about next years holiday, not to mention the holiday we’re supposed to be going on in 4 weeks we haven’t even booked yet! Harvey is on my mind too. His reply was everything I needed to hear, I’m glad he understands and is on the same page but I am going to really miss him & the interaction we shared.

Up, washed & dressed for work. Dick’s mum picks up myself & Joy and drops us off at school & work. Dick spoke to his mum about coming away with us and she said she’d love to but can’t afford it. He said he’d sort it. So she’s thrilled! Why wouldn’t she, who wouldn’t want a holiday paid for?? Shame the rest of his family don’t feel the urge to chip in. I kept my head down when I got to work really as I’m so grumpy when I’m tired. I saw an email when I got in to the office.

H: My pleasure, I’ll call you later if that’s ok, sleep beckons xxxxxx

A: It’s very ok. Happy to chat if you’re up to it. Lots of people send their good thoughts. Get some rest xxxxxxxx

At least I had that to look forward to. What a shitty work day! Nothing unusual there but it was one thing after another. Issues again with closing out incidents with the same clowns as last week. One of the guys caught for my wrath with his attitude. I had to literally walk out the building I was so mad. I then got an email from my brother regarding my moms gravestone. He had 3 choices of fonts to choose from so we agreed on the one we liked. So upsetting to think it’s taken 6 months to sort out. I got upset and because I’m an idiot I rang Dick to talk about it. I honestly don’t know why I bother. As soon as I called he went into how bad his day was so far so I let him vent. I told him about choosing my moms words and he said did mum say anything about the holiday? Not a word about my mom or if I was upset. So pissed off so he copped for it too. I asked him if he knew how insensitive he was? To go from talking about my mom to discussing a holiday with his like I haven’t lost my mom. He said its early days – it’s been 6 months! He’s no fucking idea how hard it is.

I got back to my desk to a text on my work phone from Harvey.

I’ll ring in 5 minutes if that’s ok?

I replied that would be ok and went back into the conference room until he called me.

We had a good chat about his wife & family and how they’re all doing. He agreed were on the same page and that the guilt is his alone and not for me to deal with, but I told him I can’t do that as I feel so bad. I reassured him that I will still be here to support as I care about him. He asked me how I was doing and I told him, honestly. He listened which he deserves a bloody medal for frankly as my petty drama is nothing compared to what he’s going through right now. I’m going to miss what we had so much. Fingers crossed we can pick it back up when he returns.

I emailed him to thank him for the call.

A: Thanks for the chat and understanding. I’m still here I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here for it all if and when you need me. And after that who knows? #neversaynever xxxxxx

Work day finished I went home to do the usual chores before I went to the gym.

Dick came home in a reasonable mood and apologised for earlier. He said he just doesn’t listen and he will try harder. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the head. So passionate, not!

Whilst waiting for Joy to get ready for gym I went into Harvey’s email to cut & paste them into this blog. (I delete mine immediately for safety reasons!) I couldn’t believe in his sent items was a email regarding his business. He’d obviously sent it from the wrong account so I thought I’d better warn him.

A: Just gone and taken the emails out for my blog and this is in your sent items!!! Looks like you’ve sent it from the wrong account..
Don’t panic but I think maybe it’s a warning!

H: Lol, I know I’ve sorted it and said it was from my daughters account!! No harm luckily !!!!
I have that text saved as a note on my phone and when I forwarded it it went from the wrong account!!! Lesson learnt, I’m blaming sleep deprivation.
Xxxxxxx

A: Thank fuck for that!
Get some sleep! I’m off to the gym to take my frustration out!!
Xxxxx

Took all my frustration out on the gym again, I can’t understand why I’m not a size 10 already 😂 90 minutes of non stop exercise. Cooled down for the last 3 minutes and the trainer told me I’d done really well and she can see improvements already. She did say though I needed to sort out whatever was on my mind lol!! They just know 😁

As I was leaving the gym I saw a response from Harvey.

H: How’s the frustration …… Would my tongue help relieve some?
Xxxxx

Now I know I should’ve replied back to tell him but stop but I didn’t. It made me smile and shiver at the thought at the same time.

A: God yes! Just finishing at the gym! 90 minutes of hard work but I’d find the energy for you xxxxxx

I got home and ran a bath as I needed a soak after that workout. I sent him a photo of my breasts as I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

A: Best intentions soon disappeared when I thought of your tongue!
I know I really shouldn’t encourage you as we’re supposed to just be friends but I feel you need one more photo to help you through. And look who came out to say hello! Thelma & Louise miss you xxxxxxxxxx

And now off to bed! Surely I’ll sleep tonight after that workout??

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