22nd September

Just after I posted yesterday’s recap I received a reply from him.

H: Xxxxxx thanks for the hug and prayer xxxxxxxx
Speak tomorrow

A: sleep xxxxx

I woke up after a relatively crap nights sleep, I’d got up twice in the night for painkillers as my mouth is still painful and swollen. I decided I’d email Harvey to let him know I was thinking of them all.

A: Hope you got some sleep at least.
Sending you hugs & positive vibes for today xxxxxxxx

H: And here’s me thinking thinking you didn’t do toys xxxxx
Thank you its appreciated I slept the clock round last night and have just got up and gone straight to the hospital, I’ll call after I’ve visited
XXXX

A: Glad you got some sleep. Thanks for the smile. Speak later if you’re up to it xxxxxxxxx

H: Call me when you are able, I’m in the car now xxxx

I went for a walk outside and called him. We had a long chat about what was happening right now, prognosis, recovery plan etc. It’s sounding very positive so let’s hope the treatment plan is successful while she’s induced. She has a very long road ahead of her and he’s going to have his hands pretty full. He sounds better than I expected him to, it’s good to hear he’s had some sleep and is taking care of himself & the kids. I reiterated that I’m still here to listen and we’re on the back burner until we know what’s happening. Who knows what will happen. Near death experiences have a very shocking effect on a person and it’ll go one of two ways. She might realise how very lucky she is and throw everything into making the marriage work or she could decide actually life’s too short and decide to live differently. Either decision won’t affect me, it’ll effect Harvey. He’ll either become the worlds best husband and live happily ever after or become a divorcee. Right now just getting through the current situation is all anyone is focusing on. I can’t help but think Harvey & I are destined never to have this overnight though and when I voiced that he just laughed. He said he was grateful that he had our relationship/friendship and I agreed. We have a good balance I think, neither of us want more than we have. We care about each other greatly and we’re on the same page about what the future holds. It’s a very difficult time for them as a family and my heart goes out to them all. I know I should remove myself from this situation as I know how very wrong it is, especially given the severity of her condition. I’m his friend first, I wouldn’t be much of a friend to him if I turned my back on him now would I? I know he appreciates my friendship and if that’s all we go back to then so be it. I’d rather have him in my life as my friend than not have him at all and I’m positive he feels exactly the same. I didn’t expect to hear much from him, his family must come first and frankly my needs are none existent & unimportant right now. I’m happy to know he’s ok and that he knows where I am if and when he needs me. I messaged him in the afternoon.

A: So good to hear from you. Couldn’t agree more about our friendship, we’re lucky to have each other the way we do. I’m only ever at the end of the phone babe if you need anything.
Try & get some rest xxxxxxxxxxx

Continued on with my day. Decided I absolutely hate my job and most of the people I work with. I don’t consider myself a difficult person to work with and I’m always happy to help. I find it really difficult though when I have to help people that don’t hide the fact they don’t like me. Case in point this afternoon. One of my team had asked for my help closing a safety incident out. He’s shared his screen with me through our messenger system so I can show him how to do it. He’d copied a few people in the email chain informing them that I was going to help show him how to close it out. Whilst on his screen his colleague emailed him in relation to the incident. Top line of the email was. God she’s annoying, good luck with that! How nice to know that I’m so well thought of, not! The joys of working in a male dominated work place, if you’re a woman & you get stuff done you’re a ball breaker. It’s astounding how many of these men wouldn’t dare say it to my face! This one is still smarting from my refusal of an overnight with him. I don’t think so, he’s not even slightly my type and we have absolutely nothing in common, not to mention I have enough juggling Dick & Harvey thanks 😂

Went home and had a reasonable night, made tea & generally did chores until it was bath time.

Music on in the bath I was surprised to receive an email from Harvey.

H: Evening Babe,
Leaving Hospital soon, no change but she’s as comfy as can be, I’m going for a swim at the gym to clear my head.
How’s you gym going?
How’s the tooth issue?
Xxxxxx

A: I’m pleased she’s comfortable, really hope things improve quickly for her.
Enjoy the swim. I’m in the bath currently chilling out to ludovico einaudi – it helps me destress.
Gym is going well, 3 times already this week and back tomorrow.
Mouth is really sore, stitches should dissolve over the weekend but my gums are all blistered. Not pretty!
I did think about sending you a photo from the bath but it seems so inappropriate given everything going on so I’ve made the executive decision to abstain from that until things return to normal. Frankly you have enough on without feeling guilty about ‘this’ – does that seem reasonable? I’d like your honest opinion with no judgement here either way.
Enjoy the peace & serenity of the pool.
Xxxxxxxxxxx

H: No guilt here xxxxxx

I sent him a photo of my magnificent rack!

A: Fuck it! You need a smile xxxx

H: Thank you, say hi to Thelma and Louise xxxxx it did make me smile and hard xxxxx

A: Don’t get thrown out the pool 😂
You’re completely welcome xxx No guilt for you lol! I feel fucking terrible!
Am I a bad person for still wanting this?? Xxxx

H: No xxxx I feel the same xxxx can you make lunch somewhere tomorrow?

A: Are you sure that’s wise? It would be easier if I could drive then we wouldn’t be on works doorstep. I can get a taxi anywhere. Where were you thinking? Xxxxx

H: To suit you, I can pick you up in the car from anywhere, you could get a taxi to where ever and I’ll meet you there then we can go anywhere xx

A: It’s a hell of a risk for an hour to chat!
I’ll see who’s in tomorrow that won’t get suspicious by me getting in a taxi.
Can we sort in the morning when I know who’s in? Xxxxx
I want to see you I’m not looking for excuses but there’ll be no blow job with these stitches 😂😂 xxx

H: I’ll settle for a hug, if it’s any risk at all it can wait, xxxxx

A: Hugs are freely available. I’ll message in the morning and if you can get away yourself with no risk then we will meet up for sure. I think we’ll both feel better for seeing each other if we can. I’ve missed you (I know, I broke the rules) and it’d be good to check you’re ok xxxxxx

So I’ve gone from I can’t do this, it’s on the back burner, it’s so wrong with her being so ill, to making plans to meet up. I can’t blame my medication for this, I genuinely want to see him and give him a hug. He needs a friend and I’m flattered he wants to see me.

I’m exhausted and in pain so I’m off to bed, we’ll see what tomorrow brings!

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