18th September

Everyone got up & ready to watch Joy’s football match. Dick took Joy & 3 of her team mates in our car and I travelled with Frank & his girlfriend Jane in his car. Such a good trip there, he played the ‘mum’ playlist. Some great tunes on there we sang along to including the red hot chilli peppers, usher, tlc and some old school biggie & Tupac. Highlight for me was Jane’s face when me & Frank rapped Nicki Minaj monster. Even she agreed that for an old lady I’m very cool 🙌🏼

Football match was really good, but they did lose as we expected. Nice touch from the opposing team captain though who came over to say they play really well as a team and her own team could learn from their team work. Popped into a KFC on the way back for the girls as they were starving. I resisted temptation though so I know I’ve got my head around this now and can do without junk food!

Came home as my mother & father in law turned up with our disabled niece with no warning, which is standard for them. We had literally just got home! Turns out mum needs her feet doing. God forbid she should book it in advance and give me chance to get sorted. I really don’t mind doing it as she is diabetic, I just wish she would tell me in advance and not just rock up. So much for being back in time to watch the formula 1 in peace!

Sorted that out for her and off they went leaving just us 5 at home. Dick decided his boots needed to be re-waterproofed, so he got his stuff together to go sort them outside but not before he lost his temper in the kitchen. I’d left the footspa on the draining board upside down after I’d cleaned it. It wasn’t even dry yet and he started shouting & balling because he needed the draining board. In his temper fuelled state moving it, he caught a mug with the lead and it smashed all over the kitchen. End of the fucking world. Shouting I never tidy up after myself, I leave my nail shit everywhere etc. I told him to walk away and calm down before I lost my temper too, but no, he never learns. Just kept going on until I lost it. Home truth time, I’m the only one that does anything in the house, the fucking foot spa wouldn’t even be out if his fucking mother didn’t insist on just turning up when she damn well pleases, maybe if he wasn’t so angry all the time and moved things in a controlled manner we wouldn’t be having this conversation!! I walked off, and kept going for 4 miles in a circular route until I got home. He’d called me twice and I answered and told him to leave me alone. I warned him if he called again after the second call I wouldn’t answer. He left well alone.

I came home and he’d cleared up the mess he’d made in the kitchen and was sat sorting his boots out drinking coffee. He asked me if I wanted a coffee and I declined. He asked me if I was ok and I told him I’d be fine providing he just leaves me the fuck alone! Went in the house and left him to it. He came upstairs to apologise I said fine, apology accepted now fuck off and leave me the hell alone.

I’m getting better at ignoring him, not a single tear was shed. Joy came in & asked me to do her nails so we sat outside whilst I did her finger nails & she did my toes. Dick came out to sit with us and asked me when Freya was due back from her holiday, I asked him why he said he was trying to make conversation! I told him Tuesday as I couldn’t really tell him to go fuck himself in front of Joy!

We were meeting family for dinner at 7.30 at a local pub so I wasn’t looking forward to playing happy families. But I was saved that as he had another giant meltdown about Joy slamming a door (which she didn’t actually do, the wind slammed it as all the windows were open!). He was so angry shouting at her he made her cry. I missed it though as I was in the garden on the phone. I came in to a sobbing child telling me how much she hates her dad. Heart breaking. I confronted him about it as there’s no fucking way I’m standing for that! She’d tried to tell him it was the wind and he ignored her. He told her she wasn’t going out for tea either. Cruel, nasty bastard!

I told him he’s at serious risk of losing his daughter along with his wife & home if he doesn’t quickly sort himself out. I told him we were going to meet the family and he could stay here if he didn’t want to come. He apologised to Joy but like me, she’s not buying it sadly. She’s had enough and he’s only got himself to blame.

We met up with the family and had a nice night – managed to get through it without a single word being spoken to him. It helped that we sat at the total opposite end of the table.

Came home & kids were in bed, he said he knows he’s got problems but can’t help himself getting irritated & angry and he doesn’t know what to do. I told him it’s the third time this week he’s asked that and I suggested he see a doctor. I can’t help him, I’m past caring now. Final straw for me was him upsetting our daughter! I am not wasting a single piece of my time or energy on him. Standard practise now is I just let everything wash over me, he gets no reaction & he’ll play grand gesture card. Well he can save his money as I’m not interested, anything I need I can buy myself thank you. In around 3-5 days he’ll realise he’s wasting his time and he’ll play the sex card. I’ll be so grateful for the crumbs of his attention I’ll fall for it and we’all have peace in the kingdom. Well newsflash dickhead, that’s not going to work either. I’m quite happy attending to my own needs thank you and frankly I do a better job of it too!

Had a shower and sent Harvey a photo of my very wet boobs. As distractions go it’s all good. I’m still no nearer coming to my senses about him & the situation. It’s harmless fun between two friends, no ones getting hurt as we’re on the same page. We’re both in relationships with people that are detrimental to our mental health but as long as we have a connection sexually and no one finds out it’s all good. I think I’d probably be in a worst state without that to distract me at the moment. Looking forward to the overnight we have coming up. Something to focus on other than all this domestic unhappiness. On that note I’m off to bed!



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