I’ve made a start on boot camp for Ava. I’ve been for a 2 mile power walk and I’m knackered. Joining the gym on Friday once I get the OK from the GP. Went to look round tonight and it seems to have everything I need and it’s on the doorstep!
I’ve given myself a well needed kick up the arse. Alice told our friend John and he came to see me today, I knew as soon as I saw him she’d told him. He didn’t shout or lecture me, just told me that if I wanted to drink I was to ring him. Bless him I told him I appreciated it but he need not worry. I’m done! Next up pops Nat (she’s no stranger to alcohol addiction!) straight out asks me if I’ve been drinking!! Stunned I asked her how she knew and she said she’d seen my Instagram and guessed. She said she’s seen it coming and only surprised I haven’t fallen sooner. I told her about the weekend and she was really supportive, told me that I wasn’t a failure and that as long as I get back on it and get well it’s not the end of the world. I messaged Alice.
A: Can’t believe you grassed me up to John 😔 xx
Al: Same as I grass him up and he grasses me up … This is how our disfunctional family works, it’s out of care and love you know this xx
A: I do! As soon as I saw his face I knew you’d told him. Note to self behave myself and I need not worry xxx
Al: Yep! What do we say we’re grown adults and we make our own choices and were not gonna stand in each other’s way just be there when you need us to be xx
A: Xxxxx thanks babe xxxxx
Al: No thanks required 😝😘😘😘 did Freya tell you off xxxxx
A: Oh yes. She was lovely about it though bless her xx
Al: As long as you take it on board! Xx
A: I will I promise xx
So I’ve had my meltdown and my mid life crisis and I’ve had a real good kicking and talking to. I can do this I just need to start letting things out. Dick came home, I cooked tea & got changed into my fitness gear, told him I was off for a walk so he said he’d come with me. I told him it wasn’t necessary as I wanted to look round the gym, he insisted said it was incentive for him to make a start too. We didn’t really talk but to be honest I’m so unfit that going up the hill I was out of breathe!! I’m grateful he came though. On the way back he said he was sorry for being an “utter cunt” yesterday and that he knows he deals with things differently to me. Therapy doesn’t work for him but that’s no need to be so unsupportive. That’s a massive admission on his part. Or maybe it’s because I offered to cook him this pie;
But I’d fill it with dog food 😂
I’m lucky I know I have a great support network and I need to remind myself that they’re there.
I’m off for a soak! I deserve it after making a start on the new improved Ava. Plus Harvey gets to see me naked, I’d better give him something worth looking at. Yes I plan to improve myself but I’m keeping the one thing that makes me want to be better. Him. For now!
Nothing is permanent, so let’s have fun while the sunshines!