4th September

I posted my blog Serious conversations and continued on with my day. I watched the F1 and prepared dinner. It was a quiet afternoon and it was nice to have the kids home, Frank was repairing his RC car that he’d crashed (sometimes he’s like a small child!), Joy was helping Dick make fishing rigs so they were all sat round the table outside together while I was busy in the kitchen. I’m so very lucky, I have a wonderful family, we’re not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and I think about the daughter we lost every day. I’m blessed to have the two beautiful kids we have, I have a husband that loves me in his own way, and although he doesn’t give me what I need, he gives me what he can and I’m grateful despite the fact we barely spend any time together. I truly have amazing friends looking out for me. Yesterday & today proved that. I miss my mom more than I ever thought I could. Our relationship was difficult for many reasons and I can never put it right now. I’m so sad about that but maybe my therapist will help with that. I accept that I’ve completely fallen off the planet, not just the wagon. I’m back on it, I’m going to speak to my therapist, start eating better & get fit. I’ve let far too much go lately.

I received an email from Harvey.

H: Evening Babe,
How’s you, hope your head isn’t or hasn’t been throbbing too much xxxx
I really do mean how’s you I know you have had it rough these last couple of months and it’s OK to fall off the wagon as long as you get back on it pronto, if our situation is causing you angst and stress then with a heavy heart I will take one for the team and step back to our catch ups at 3oclock and the odd Lync! can I stress this isn’t what I want at all as I’m happier than a happy thing from the planet happy with the situation but if I am any way to blame I want you to know I will sacrifice the physical side to keep your friendship.

This is not a dear John but I need to make the offer xxxxxxxxxx tweak Thelma and Louise for me xxxxxxxx

I was really touched, I know he meant it too and would do it.

A: Hi babe,

I’m ok thanks it’ll be tomorrow I suffer. I went out to breakfast & then have cooked a roast dinner so hopefully that will soak some of it up.
I promise I’m getting help, I’m really sorry I worried you last night it wasn’t my intention. Freya has tore me a new one today too and Dick took me to breakfast so he could throw his viewpoint in to. Obviously expecting a volatile reaction do safety in public 😂
It has been the shittiest year ever and it was inevitable that I would fall at some point, it’s amazing it’s taken this long. Thank you for caring & thanks for the offer to step away, I appreciate it because I know you’d do it too. Let’s see how it goes, but I still want this. You are very important to me and I value our friendship enormously xxxxxx
Thelma & Louise have had a nice vigorous wash in the bath along with all the other parts!!
Hope you enjoyed the race, enjoy the chill with your family. See you soon xxx
Miss you xxx

I had a lovely relaxing bath and decided I’d do my nails. Came downstairs for Dick to inform me he was off to bed. It was 8 o’clock!! I spent a very pleasant evening doing my nails in peace. I might as well live alone. Kids are growing up and are never in. Dick makes it clear that he hates spending time with me alone. I must be a real piece of work to live with.

I checked my emails.

H: Night night, I had to offer I’m glad you refused xxxxxxx I’m here until you say Stop, if you say Lobster I will slow down until you catch your breath xxxxx that’s just made me hard xxxxx

wagons are there to fall off as long as you get back on! I’m just sorry I wasn’t there to help xxxx 😘😘😘😘😘
Bed soon for me, Mrs has had a strop and home to bed slamming doors LOL I’m with the kids having a chat in the awning with a glass of wine….. Then she comes out and sits as if nothing has happened… Fuck me I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, now she’s stropped off again, glad I have the kids as a witness but I made my bed and now I’m praying of the end of time…….
If I said I wasn’t missing you that would be a lie, I can’t lie to you so I won’t say it xxxxxx

He changed the subject header to I’m going to fuck you so hard! I laughed out loud.

H: Thought I’d change the title to something more positive xxxxx and yes I will but on the 14th not the 13th… On monday you can have a hug and a kiss, I’m saving myself for the best 30 seconds you have ever had xxxx

i replied but changed the header to subtle!

A: 😂😂
I’m really looking forward to seeing you. I’ll resist the temptation to jump on you in the office I promise, I might be lacking affection but I can contain myself.
Sorry she sounds like a psycho I’m so sorry you have to live your life like that. The things we put up with. I hope the kids appreciate it! I’ve been alone since 8 o’clock so I’ve done my nails in peace!!
Praying for the end of time, I’m now singing meatloaf ffs 😂
Better than the Katy Perry that was on.
Night babe, sleep well xxxxx
So looking forward to seeing you, the 14th is going to be amazing xxxxxxx
Thank you for caring xxxxx

With that sent Joy came home so we spent some time talking before we went to bed.




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