3rd September

Today has been such an incredibly long day. After another night of very little sleep I’m exhausted. Tonight I’m attending a cocktail making class for Freya’s birthday. There’s six of us going and it’s going to be a great night as I know the others and they’re all really good fun. Our friend Alice is coming too, the one that left a few weeks ago so I’m really looking forward to seeing her.

I noticed that Harvey had sent two replies to my email from last night so I read those.

H: For the record I didn’t *do what she’d accused him of that I redacted*! I haven’t read the posts but I know I still want this! Going to read them now xxxxx

Xxxxxx read every thing and I don’t want anything to change xxxxxx catch you later xxxxxx

A: Good. Enjoy the holiday xxxxx

I went out with the girls and had a good night. I met Alice at the station and we went to wetherspoons for a cheap & cheerful drink to catch up before we met the others. I ordered a Smirnoff ice for me but it came as a pair so technically it was only one drink. I did get told off by Freya though as she caught me red handed and then we were given shots when we arrived at the cocktail venue and I downed mine 😁 She knows I can’t drink so told me no more! We were given a welcome cocktail on arrival:


and as soon as I sipped it I tasted the Bombay sapphire, God I’ve missed that! The venue knew that two of us were alcohol free so I didn’t think to check when he gave it is as it looked like a soft drink. I drank half of it before handing it over to Freya. She asked me if there was alcohol in it so I said yes, it’s Bombay Sapphire gin – she thought it was a soft drink too! We made two cocktails each – a haribo smash  & tequila one that I’ve forgotten the name of. Alice & I made an alcohol free one which was nice and refreshing and we made the tequila one and I gave that to the girls.

I received a few emails while I was out.

H: Night babe, just back at camp done my 30 min lake swim (been every day!) now for a shower tea and bed, 5.30 alarm call in the morning xxxxxx

A: Enjoy! I’m out in Leeds with Freya, Emma & Alice so it’s going to get very messy 😘 xxxx

H: Lol keep me updated on gossip and timeline of events xxxxx I’m in the awning with a glass of Red the Mrs is asleep in the caravan kids are on their phones xxxxxxx mosquitos are using me as a pin cushion xxxxxx

I then sent him a photo of me looking all serious and told him to delete it immediately as obviously I’m identifiable on it!

A: Serious face – delete!

H: Will do, but you look gorgeous, even better if my cock was in your mouth xxxxxx

Deleted xxxxx I do however see your face on a daily basis as it is on my contact list! Maybe you should insist all the Team have a photo then yours wouldn’t stand out on my phone!!
Ps I do look at it daily xxxxx not missing you xxxxxxx he says lying xxxxxxx

A: Honestly, I miss you too. Now shush and go to sleep xxxx

A: Freya shouted at me because I had a drink ☺️ xxxx

H: Grrrr you shouldn’t and you know it! However a little bit of me would love to see you pissed! That been said I will never buy you a drink, and I will tell you off and have to spank your arse for been a bad girlxxxx

I then got an empty email with just a subject header:

H: Please don’t have another drink xxxxx

A: I won’t I promise. I’ve given them to Freya xxx

A: Night babe sleep well and sweet dreams – hopefully of me, waking you with a blow job and fucking you fully awake xxxx

I obviously didn’t have a full signal as now I’m home cutting the emails into this post the full message came up;

H: Stop, don’t have another, let’s call it a blip but get back on the waggon that’s an order!!!
I’ll lightly smack your arse anyway so don’t carry on drinking to ensure it happens, you know it will xxxxx I care about you and value your friendship but I am ultimately selfish if you are ill then that’s no good to me! If that’s come out wrong in sorry, is what I meant to say was I care about you please get back on the waggon xxxxxx let me know you are ok Xxxxxxxx stay safe xxxxxxx please xxxxxxxxx I’m worried xxxxxxxx

I know he cares about me, he’s going to worry that I’ve fallen off the wagon completely but I haven’t I just need to let off a bit of steam. Ive emailed him to apologise.

A: If you see below I didn’t get your full message! Really sorry if I’ve worried you. I know you care about me very much, and far more than you should.
No more drinking, I’ve had a word with myself. I’ve reminded myself that I’ve far too much to look forward to than to press the self destruct button again. Ringing my therapist on Monday as I’m not doing such a great job of keeping myself on the right path.
Thank you for caring, I’m lucky to have great friends to look out for me when I’m not myself. Xxxxxxx

Finally I’m off to bed!


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