I’ve decided that I must continue to post the story so far. I’m hoping that writing about what happened previously will help erase some of the damage from the weekend.
I’m also hoping that by the time I get round to the point it all got a little messy, Harvey will be home and we will have had a conversation about it all. That’s providing of course he wants a conversation, he may have decided to cut his losses, in which case I shall know one way or the other and the decision will be made for me.
I read a blog post this morning from a woman in a similar ‘married colleague/friends with benefit’ situation and I wished I could find it to post it here. (The down side of private browsing and keeping no history!). She posted about what she missed about the time when they weren’t together and how re-reading her blog posts made her remember how she felt about him and the fun they’d had. Foolishly though, she is massively in love with him, a fact I don’t think she’s realised herself yet. I won’t be falling in to that trap, I’m well aware we’re already with the people we’re destined to spend our lives with and there’s no illusion that this will be anything over than fun, adventure and an emotional friendship connection at most. It speaks volumes that he called my colleague today regarding a work related query and I actually was glad I overheard as I know he’s alive at least!
It’s not going to be easy not hearing from him but it’s definitely for the best. I do miss him though even though technically I’m not supposed to.