So I got as far as posting up to the 16th August. I don’t know if I plan to post anymore. We hit a massive bump in the road at the weekend and I think it’s fairly unrecoverable. He posted me a recording clip of them having a massive row. Now I’m sure he thought it was a good idea at the time, but it really wasn’t. This was supposed to be a distraction from our marriages and it was a place of fun, excitement & adventure. That clip put me front & centre to the whole picture and it terrifies me. I never wanted to have a front row seat to what happens with them, it goes against everything we agreed. It didn’t paint him in a good light either so I’ve no idea what he hoped to achieve. I think he thought that it would show me how bad things were and why it justified why he’s doing this with me, but that wasn’t necessary, at all. I was happy to be blind to it and just have his word that things weren’t great. Things were said that I never should never have heard that’s for damn sure.
I’ve asked for a break in communications as I need an actual conversation with him to discuss this. I don’t think he has any idea just how much this has upset me. I was having such a great time – and I honestly think he was too – and I was so looking forward to everything we had planned. We agreed that when the fun stops, this would stop and we’d go back to being friends. I don’t know how I feel right now, I’m far more upset than I have any rights to be under the circumstances. I’m surprised at myself, I don’t know why but I can’t just say that’s it, we’re done. I guess I’m hoping he realises how foolish he was and tries to put it right. I’m not sure right now though if that’s possible. I do know that his marriage is in a far worse state than mine and I have to believe that its been this bad for a long time. I’m honestly torn between wanting to sort it and telling him to go fuck himself. The fact that I’ve not cancelled the hotel speaks volumes though, is it that I care about him far more than I should or is it just the fact that I’ll miss out on all the things I’ve never done???
For an intelligent man, he is a fucking idiot!!!